Please; Let Me Down Easy ♥

[Currently listening: Hurt Somebody by Dierks Bentley // 

Swan Song by A Fine Frenzy // Flyin' by Emerson Hart]

        

            I want to talk about a subject today that is being seen more and more commonly. It's happened to my friends, and it's happened to me more than once. It happened to me again and crushed me; absolutely. I'm not sure why this one was different..but we are talking about "ghosting". If you don't know the definition of this term, I don't blame you because it is relatively new for this generation. I think Urban Dictionary describes it best as: 

"The act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, 

but no longer wishes to date. This is done in hopes that the ghostee will just 

"get the hint" and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them 

he/she is no longer interested. Ghosting is not specific to a certain gender and is closely related 

to the subject's maturity and communication skills. 

Many attempt to justify ghosting as a way to cease dating the ghostee 

without hurting their feelings, but it in fact proves the subject is thinking more of themselves, 

as ghosting often creates more confusion for the 

ghostee than if the subject kindly stated how he/she feels."

        I would like you to pay close attention to the last line in that definition as I talk about how this incidence has changed me and brought things into perspective. Ghosting is a relatively new term because "in the old days", men (or women) were respectful to one another and were able to tell the person that they were dating they did not want to see them again or did not have feelings for them. My parents always taught me to treat others how you want to be treated. I most certainly would rather someone tell me the truth over having to guess what the heck is going on. Do people HONESTLY think that it would be easier for someone to just leave/walk away/not talk to someone that they are dating and believe that it makes it easier for that person?! 
          So why is this happening now? If you have read my other blog posts, I truly think that this generation and social media world is messing us up. We are so used to dating online, moving on to the next best thing that comes along, and "ghosting". Well what about respect? What happened to people actually having feelings? What happened to thinking about the other person and "treating others as you would like to be treated"? In this day and age, we have lost our "dating sense", and aren't dating to really connect with others. We are now dating to find the "perfect person", our "soulmate", or "the one". I don't have a problem with this, but we are moving on too quickly. One wrong thing that comes out of the person's mouth and we are looking to swipe right on the next tinder date to come along. We HAVE to grasp and maintain a sense of reality. Dating, marriages, and life are all hard, but we have to work on them. Now I am not saying that you should work on a relationship that is going downhill anyways, but don't just throw your hands up into the air and say that all is over when you get into your first little tiff over where you want to go to dinner.
          I will let you in on my perspective. I am looking to date someone, one day get married and have kids, blah blah blah. I really make an effort to get to know someone before arranging a first date or just a simple meeting for coffee. This way, at least I know he (potential dater) and I are on the same page when it comes to the basics of life. I am not going to meet someone just to sleep with them, and obviously if there is no real connection or "want" from the other person, we are just wasting time; and quite honestly I don't have time for that. If this person is interested, expresses interest, and I am also just as interested, we will meet to see if we get past the second stage of dating; chemistry. So say I get to know a potential dater for a month or so, things are going great, and we decide to meet; just for coffee, no big deal. The date/meet goes seemingly well, talking about future plans together, all of that. We both leave and head our own ways to attend individual weekend shenanigans. I send a simple text stating that I had a great time; this simple gesture (to me) does not seem out-of-line. I don't hear anything back. The next day comes and goes, still nothing. Monday comes; nothing. So going from talking to this person everyday to nothing seems a bit strange? I send a text asking if he is still planning on keeping arrangements that we had previously made; and his answer is no...

Heartbroken. Devastated. 

           I go home and cry. I cannot even tell you the last time I cried because it's been so long. I felt empty. Not wanted. and lost. It wasn't so much that this person didn't want to hang out, it's the fact that they did not even have enough respect for me to reach out and say "hey, you know I just don't think this is going to work out", "you're not my type", WHATEVER IT MAY OR MAY NOT BE. This, my friends, is what ghosting is made of. It's hurt. It's disrespect for the other person. It's not being an adult and facing whatever fears you may have. It's not being truthful. And remember when I said to really pay close attention to that last line of the definition of ghosting? 

"it often creates more confusion for the 

ghostee than if the subject kindly stated how he/she feels."

             And that's EXACTLY where I was. In the middle of nowhere. Wondering what was wrong with ME. What did I do? What did I say? Was it the way I dressed? Was my makeup not right? I am not the insecure type AT ALL, but someone who ends things that abruptly leaves you to think that something must have been wrong. I also felt a bit stupid, because this was ONE DATE. Why was this guy getting under my skin so much? How did I think that this was going in the right direction and he just SO EASILY could just change his mind. I must have missed something. Well this wasn't the first time that this type of thing has happened to me. One date and gone; which leads me to believe...it MUST be me, right? 

          NO. I am writing this post to you, my reader, to tell you that this had nothing to do with me, and it has nothing to do with you if you find yourself in this situation. This comes from an insecurity of someone that did not have enough respect to tell you how they truly felt, and decided to just fade into nothingness. You want respect; you deserve respect, and this person obviously has none.

          Where do I go from here? Really, it's MY decision to go wherever I want from here, and I'll tell you what I am going to do. After letting myself have an emotional day, I am standing up on my own two feet and moving on. The only thing that I can do is to let this experience make me grow as a person. Sure, I wish more than anything that it would have ended differently, and some days it still hurts; but there is nothing that you can do about that except be thankful that this time in your life is making you a stronger person. I could also let myself be jaded, and put my walls up super high, but then no one will ever get in. This, in the end, isn't something that I want. I don't want to be naive either, so I say to you, just be careful. 

        To those out there that have left without saying a word to the person they were dating, I hope that you realize the point I am trying to get across and how you made the other person feel. You only cause more confusion by not saying anything, rather than telling them the truth. At least after the truth has been spoken, that person can move on with their life. No one can read minds, and yes, eventually they will get the point that you want nothing to do with them, but it's just rude, so please grow up and be a respectful adult. 

As always, you can email me with questions, or topics you would like to read: jessiraee77@gmail.com

Thank you for reading my loves!

Love, ♥J

"What we find in a soul mate is not something wild to tame, 
but something wild to run with."
~Robert Brault